Heart-felt fidelity

I ran across a fantastic article and felt the need to post it. Here it is!

"But Ruth replied 'Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go, I will go and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.'"

In some blessed relationships, fidelity isn't an issue that even enters a conversation. In the case of my parents, and for many of my friends, I know that they have relationships where the temptation of unfaithfulness doesn't enter their home. And for my own part, I'm lucky enough to be one of those people who -- when I'm in a relationship with someone -- sees no appeal in any other member of the opposite sex.

Yet I've learned over the years that I am one of the lucky ones. Many single men and women of faith don't have it that easy, even in the context of a serious and responsible dating relationship. In the modern office of expansive social atmospheres and younger workforces, the likelihood is extremely high that you will eventually work with or deal with someone on a regular basis who you find appealing. You may even end up spending more time with that person, due to the demands of work, than you do with your girlfriend or boyfriend or fiancee -- the person you love and intend to marry.

This can lead to bad situations. Oftentimes, the person on the outside doesn't know about this growing office relationship, and for many single people, it's easy to give in to the temptation to cross the line into flirtation and more. The excuses: It's just talking at work, it's just drinks afterward, it's just fun, after all.

Except that it isn't a game; it's playing with wildfire. Before long, you may find yourself in a situation where, without ever making a conscious decision, you've slipped into infidelity. You've been unfaithful to the person you are dating or courting, in thought or in deed. In selfishness, intentional or not, you've hurt and possibly destroyed a loving relationship.

I've been on the other side of this kind of relationship, and felt the painful ramifications more than once. I've never been shellshocked, but the overwhelming hurt, nausea, and directionless feelings must come close.

When secular advisors talk about relationships, everything comes down to "feelings." How does the person make you feel? Do you feel happy? Does flirting or carrying on with someone else make you feel happier? You should be honest about your feelings.

There's an element of truth to that -- honesty is a good thing -- but it misses the big picture. Love isn't just about moment-by-moment feelings. If it was, our human love would be as fickle as a middle school crush.

Ruth's pledge of fidelity to Naomi, often used by brides and grooms in pledging fidelity to one another during wedding ceremonies, is one of consequence. Did Ruth really intend to love her husband every moment of every day, without ever being unhappy with him? Of course not -- she committed herself to loving him, and being faithful to him, even when he forgot to take out the trash or hogged the remote, even when the Senior VP started asking her out to long lunches at nice restaurants. She committed to love with the entirety of herself -- promising that not just her heart, but her mind, her lips, and her very being would remain faithful.

True faithfulness endures in spite of temptation. True faithfulness exercises self-control, to the point of avoiding an area of danger as a recovering alcoholic avoids a bar. True faithfulness, in the context of Christ and the Church, is loving and sacrificial -- even to the point of death.

Be careful how you act toward members of the opposite sex. Don't let yourself fall into temptation. And if you do, be honest about it -- repent, ask forgiveness, and flee from sin. And if you are on the other side of this: don't let yourself become bitter. Christ loved the Church even when there was nothing intrinsic about the Church to inspire such boundless love, and we are called to do no less.

Abandoned and discontent

When I saw the headline to the story "500 Student riot at Cali highschool", I was shocked. It is impossible not to blame people for their own actions, and that certainly includes kids after a certain age. But that age isn't 16, it is more like 3-4...if that. But there is a greater problem here, one that starts at the heart of it all: in the United States, our families are falling apart.

We are turning into a weak nation. People simply do not want to fight anymore, for anything. They want to maintain the status quo, to remain under the radar, and just get by. Lost in consumerism, materialism, and myriad other "isms", we have simply lost sight of what is important.

Last year, when another relationship of mine came to an end, I questioned every ethic, every standard, every paradigm I had learned. I learned that I had no idea what it meant to be a Godly woman, or what I should look for in a Godly man. Then I read "Getting Serious about Getting Married." And while I learned a lot about really dating someone, I learned a lot more about what it means to start a family, and the power and significance the institution of the family really has on the individual and society.

I'll speak from my own experience on this point: I went to a high school where disrespect for authority was rampant. I was as much a part of it as anyone, though perhaps not as much as some. I come from a broken home and have felt the anxiety, self-doubt, and fear that comes from that. Even so, I'm taking time in preparation for marriage to relearn how I behave so that I can be a Godly wife and mother.

Those students are only partially to blame in the big picture. While they are wholly accountable for their actions, their parents and our society are too. If my generation does not start taking family more seriously than it does, does not stop serial dating in lieu of something much more fulfilling, then things will never change.

Brandon came down from Boulder (where he is for this semester on internship) for the weekend. We went to our first "nearly-wed/newly-wed" bible study. The bible study leader, Brett, said that confidence starts from within the marriage, not from anything outside. I can't rely on job performance, grades, or anything else to give me that. I must rely first on my God and then on my spouse. Likewise, children learn their behaviors from their families, from their parents. But how can they do that if their parents are never home, are always fighting, or are divorced? Abandoned and discontent, they are left to wander the roads of life practically alone. To change this, we must strengthen our marriages and families to give them the support structure they need.

Fractals

I'm not sure at all how we transitioned into the topic of fractals today in my Business Entitites class, but we did.

In colloquial usage, a fractal is a shape that is recursively constructed or self-similar, that is, a shape that appears similar at all scales of magnification and is therefore often referred to as "infinitely complex."

Alas, upon reading the Wikipedia entry, I was reminded of those dreaded days of Geometry way back in high school, most of which I slept through! Nonetheless, here is what I picked-up: a very cool graphic! The explanation behind it aside, all I have to say is "oooooo, coooool!"

The surface of a mountain can be modeled on a computer by using a fractal: Start with a triangle in 3D space and connect the central points of each side by line segments, resulting in 4 triangles. The central points are then randomly moved up or down, within a defined range. The procedure is repeated, decreasing at each iteration the range by half. The recursive nature of the algorithm guarantees that the whole is statistically similar to each detail.

Only the beginning

Rather than "the end", getting married is only "the beginning" of a great adventure. And yet, modern culture says otherwise. In her brief review of the movie, Suzanne Hadley discusses the recent movie "The Last Kiss" in Marry Her? But What About that Girl over There?

Television and movies compound the problem [lack of motivation to get married by The Twenty Somethings], portraying marriage as boring, enslaving, difficult and dreary. No wonder our generation is marriage-resistant. When Michael realizes marrying his girlfriend and establishing a home with her is inevitable, he says, "This is it. This is the end." Media fairly screams: "Marriage isn't worth it. Why bother?"

However, from her point and view and my own, marriage is something to strive for and be proud of. It is far, far from being culturally insignificant, and even in the toughest time, it represents some of the best things God has given us.

Here are some excerpted ideas about marriage from Hadley’s article:

"It is not good for the man to be alone" (Gen. 2:18). Not only is this a statement uttered by God at the inauguration of humanity, but it is something I feel daily on a personal level. God did not create humans to live in isolation. He designed us to long for and experience companionship and love. And marriage was the first context — apart from Adam's relationship with God Himself — the Lord established to relieve loneliness.

"I will make a helper suitable for him" (Gen. 2:18). As a remedy to Adam's loneliness, God created Eve. God designed her to be Adam's helper. At a women's prayer group, I recently heard a single woman pray, "Lord, you created us to be helpmates." I was stunned by this reminder. My desires to nurture, encourage and assist were instilled by God for the purpose of being a companion and helper and are best exercised within the context of marriage.

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Gen. 2:24). Because God created woman for man, marriage is the next natural step upon leaving one's family of origin. In fact, this verse seems to indicate that a man should ideally create his own family shortly after leaving his family of origin. This is rare in today's society, where the average marrying age is over 25. But waiting 10 to 15 years opens up an unnatural window where a single is not supported by his family and does not have a companion. This limbo fosters sexual temptation, loneliness and confusion.

"Children are a gift of the LORD" (Psalm 127:3). This phrase is thrown around a lot and seems to have lost its impact. With a tolerance for abortion and a prejudice against women who choose family over career, society seems to place value only on children who are wanted and who don't impede personal success. And yet, of all the blessings God wishes to bestow on His followers, children are at the top of the list. Their value is mentioned repeatedly throughout Scripture. They bless their mothers. They are a delight to their fathers. The kingdom of God belongs to them.

No Meeting of the Minds

Interesting story on the Property Prof Blog. I must ask, rhetorically perhaps, what does this say about the attempts to define and shape a "global community"?

The Blog:

The New York Times has an article (entitled "A Banned Book Challenges a Saintly Image of Thai King") on Paul Handley's book The King Never Smiles (Yale University Press, 2006), about King Bhumibol Adulyade of Thailand. According to the article, one of Handley's central points is that the king--who has enjoyed very favorable press--has been more concerned with order than democracy.

What particularly interested me were the efforts made by the Thai government to suppress the book, including sending representatives to meet with President George Bush, with Yale University's president, and (apparently) with the director of Yale University Press. Extraordinary, particularly for a book from a university press. The press did push back the publication date (so that it would not coincide with the sixtieth anniversary of the monarch's ascension) and also permitted, apparently, Thai officials to comment on the manuscript before it was published. Both reasonable, though I should imagine, unusal concessions. (Also, I should emphasize that I am in no position at all to evaluate the merits of Handley's thesis.)

Not surprisingly, the publicity surrounding the attempt to supress its publication (and its banning in Thailand) has led to a lot of sales. This afternoon it was ranked #259 on Amazon--an astonishingly good performance for a university press book. Exciting times at YUP, no doubt, even if the king is not smiling....

My Engagement Ring!!! Wedding Date: 8/11/2007.

Going to the Sunbelt Minority Job Fair

Going Global

...the most important of these is love.

The approach most often employed when valuing an asset is its fair market value. It seems everything has a fair market value too, property, labor, education, even life.

Though I've never seen a FMV for grace and sympathy, I expect that one day there will be, and it will be drastically underrated. Nevertheless, I've found that loving thy neighbor, actually employing some grace and sympathy in how we treat others is like the Hope Diamond...rare and priceless.

Reading my Immigration Law textbook today, I was thinking about how my attitude towards immigrants has been shaped, and how it will have to evolve over the next several years. Though I do not now and most likely will never advocate a policy of "open borders", I think perhaps a little love, grace, and sympathy could be employed when dealing with immigrants. There is a lot of focus placed on what an illegal immigrant is doing (namely, "invading" a country as some would term it), but there is very little attention placed on why a person seeks shelter in a country illegally. Of course there are those with malicious intentions, but what about those people who, albeit self-seeking, have relatively innocent intentions, such as earning a living to support a family?

Without engaging in a cost-benefit analysis, and assuming a benefit by cooperation versus isolation, I think laws based on policies that support international cooperation versus isolation are more prudent in the long-run. Isolation, as all hermits know, begets isolation. It is not good for man to be alone....and it would appear the same rule goes for nations.

Alone in a Crowd

There I was, surrounded by people in a bustling Barnes & Noble. There I was having just hung up the phone with a friend, about to skim what I hoped would be a good book. There I was, feeling completely alone.

Taking note of my feelings, I "googled" about the topic. (I mean, it is 2006 after all..). After a brief search, I came across this site. Quote: "Emotions are a good tool, but a poor master. Instead, we can trust God."

I know it seems like a simple idea, but it was a truly profound thought to me. Too often I let my current set of circumstances affect my outlook on life. Instead of letting my emotions make me feel lonely and abandoned in a room full of people, I should use this to effect change in my life. What change, I'm not sure...that will come through prayer...but change nonetheless.

A cool link

Here is a cool website, Google Trends. It allows people to see the world's interest in various search terms. For example, searches for "tax" peak around April 15...go figure!

The Importance of Focus

The following is an excerpt from “Dealing with Depression”. This particular post I find personally relevant, but the other four on the website are equally as good.

Here is the excerpt:

Raining Inside

Just four months ago, I was able to purchase my first solo home at the ripe age of 29. The first two months were great; I spent most of my time unpacking and setting the house up the way I wanted it. But I eventually finished unpacking and there was nothing left to do but be there … alone.

Then my only sister and I got into an argument, and she quit speaking to me. This led to a fallout with my parents, and I was left with no one to talk to. As the depression started to sink in, I decided to drive to my parents' house to talk things over—only to discover they'd invited the family over for dinner but had failed to invite me.

That night, I drove all over the city, crying my eyes out and letting the depression set in deeper. When I got home, I didn't want to leave. The next Sunday, I didn't even set my alarm so I'd get up for church. The following week, all I did was come home from work, sit on my bed, and cry. Soon after, I couldn't even get out of bed. It seemed no one cared about me.

Then a line from an old Amy Grant song popped into my head: "I'm raining on the inside." That's what I was doing. I hadn't heard that song in more than 15 years, but God brought every word to mind. As I lay in bed singing this song out loud, the Lord met me. He reminded me I'm his child, and that if I looked to him, he would take care of me. I got out of bed and was able to make things right with my sister and parents. And I attended church the next morning. I promised God I'd never again let anything get in the way of honoring him.

In the days following my return to church, I heard from a friend I hadn't talked with in a long time. She needed some part-time work done and wanted to know if I was interested in helping her. She had no idea what I'd been through the previous weeks, but God did. He knew I'd probably face loneliness again, but he sent her to rescue me.

I've since finished the part-time work, but I'm not lonely or depressed. I know I might get depressed again in the future, but I also know God is right beside me no matter what.

-Becky

How music moves us...

I love music, as anyone might guess by my posting lyrics to many different songs on here.

I think this is an awesome story about how powerful music is...and most importantly, how powerfully the Holy Spirit can use it to move us in our lives.

Thanks to Johan Jordaan for sharing this very personal experience with the rest of us.

Me and Brandon, with the Des Moines skyline in the back!

This is the Des Moines, Capitol Library, the most awesome library I've ever seen.

Fireflies and Starlight

For Brandon

Waiting again for it to be over,
I knew it wouldn't last.
They never did.

I could hear it down the hall,
In my room, in my head.
I learned well how to pick up the pieces.

Like fireflies at twilight,
Burning bright, hot and true.
Then fading as quickly as they came.

I learned to leave before they went out,
It was safer that way.
I wouldn't have to see them die.

But fireflies are distracting,
To little girls captivated by their surroundings.
They don't learn to look up, to the stars above.

You came saying you wouldn't leave,
But I wanted to run.
I didn't want to have to pick up your pieces too.

With playful bouts of love,
You brought joy to a little girl,
Who thought it was only for fairy tales.

And now she is learning to look up,
To tell the difference between them and you,
Between fireflies and starlight.

Purposeful Devotion

Tell me it hurts you to hurt me,
Why do I have to threaten to leave,
Before you'll make me stay?

I want to know everyday how you cherish me,
So that a lifetime can accumulate,
And every ounce of it is filled with love.

It isn't easy to value someone,
It is easier to put it off when stressed,
But devotion isn't a matter of convenience.

Pondering meaning and purpose can be interesting,
But it doesn't get down to the realities of living.
Let's do that together, you and me, intent on one another.

Only Money can deter Conscious Indifference

As far as I can remember, I've be an ardent opponent of tort reform. I think it hurts society in ways that doctors and big business will never let you know.

That said, it is hard to help people really understand why astronomially high jury verdicts are actually good for law and justice. I can understand that...it certainly isn't intuitive.

The State Bar of Texas, in its 2006 Short Story Competition, awarded John Walton Brookman first place for his submission, "Final Judgment." Some snippets are blow to give you a feel for the story. I highly recommend reading it in its entirety...it is only 6 pages.

Plaintiff's Counsel:
...I’d already finished recounting the testimony the jury’d heard during the
previous two weeks of trial about Lupita Chavolla’s last trip to the swimming pool. Lupita was five getting ready to turn six when she sat down in the wading pool at the Cross Arbors Swimming Association. The jury had listened to the testimony of the witnesses who had heard her shrieks as the drain on the pool trapped Lupita in place and her mother unsuccessfully attempted to lift her out of the water. They’d heard the engineers testify how the suction had increased exponentially and the doctors testify how this amount of force had disemboweled
Lupita, leaving her, her intestines and her mother thrashing around in a hellish miasma of chlorine, blood and tears....

Defense Counsel's Rebuttal:
“Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we all feel sorry for what happened here. Nobody has more sympathy for little Lupita than the fine people at Tranquil Pools. But we all assume risk when we enter the water. And certainly when we take our children to a swimming pool we have a duty to adequately supervise them.”

“Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that’s what it boils down to: Money. M-O-N-E-Y. They want you to award millions of dollars. Well, let me tell you something, no amount of money is going to bring Lupita Chavolla back. A stack of money as tall as this building won’t bring her back.”

Plaintiff's Powerful Rebuttal:
"...The Chavollas don’t want your sympathy. And they darn sure don’t want the sympathy of those fine people at Tranquil Pools, Incorporated.

“Let’s talk about those fine people of Tranquil Pools, Incorporated. Let’s
talk about this corporation that is informed of tragedy upon tragedy upon tragedy just like this one. This fine corporation that puts profits over the safety and wellbeing of the Lupita Chavollas of this world.”

“As far as the reason we are here today, well I think you know why. We are here to right a wrong. We are here to achieve justice so what happened to Lupita won’t happen to some other child. To ensure corporations won’t shred incriminating documents. We are here to punish a corporation that disregards the safety and well-being of the most defenseless members of our society: Our children.”

“But only money will deter this corporation’s conscious indifference to the welfare of our families in the future. Money is the only language this fine corporation comprehends. Based on their net worth, it’s obvious that it will take a pile of money as tall as this building to get their attention. Because, you see, partial justice is no justice at all. If you are as horrified at these facts as I know you must be, then let your voice be heard through your deliberate and reasoned verdict.

Praise You in this Storm

What follows are the lyrics to Casting Crown's "Praise You in this Storm", a great song for people going through tough times. I did not put the lyrics in order...because this way it conveys the message better.

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen"
and it's still raining

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God
Who gives and takes away

Chorus:
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

A Favor

For the next several weeks, my professor will be out of town. I'm writing and compiling entries for his blog. If anyone who stops by here would go by a give my entries a hit, I'd be much obliged!

Romance

Relationships are quirky things, especially romantic relationships. Probably the biggest problem in my relatively limited life experience is that romantic relationships die without, you guessed it, romance. That is to say, courtship must involve romance and that romance must continue into marriage. This has nothing to do with love. Love is based on more than feelings. But if you have two couples, each married 50 years, the happier couple will be the one that has kept romance alive. Both couples can love one another, but it is just different with romance.

I came across an article on askmen.com about romancing women. Some of the suggestions were rather tacky I though since the end result was sex. While I understand that can be a very strong driving force, men, let me tell you this: if you want to make love to your wife, make the end result of your gesture her happiness, and the rest will follow...I promise.

The best suggestions I saw were:
1. Scavenger hunt
2. Tell her she is beautiful unexpectedly (via email, a phone call, a written note)
3. Actually write her a note, leaving it in her purse, on her car, or some other place she will find it. (How sweet!)
4. Cook her favorite meal
5. Take her on an "offical" date (for couples together after a long time)
6. Buy her a random, token present...something small just to show you were thinking about her.
7. Dance with her (fantastic idea!)
8. Randomly buy her flowers

Synthetically Yours,

Life is funny sometimes...often...almost always. We spend our lives being sold, at least here in the states and rapidly so in India and China. We are told how we need all these things that are foreign to our nature and our bodies. Plastic surgery is the most obvious example I can think of. Others would include steroids and diet pills and crazy anti-aging techniques (as if it isn't perfectly natural to age!)

Recently, I decided to start taking birth control. It is supposed to help with things like cramps, which I have struggled with forever, figuratively speaking. Well, to be quite blunt, these little synthetic hormones have wreaked absolute havoc on my body and soul. Heart flutters, anxiety attacks, nausea, mood swings, etc, have been the norm for me the past month and a half. And for what? What is the price I paid for being sold? We are always called to count the cost.

This brought to mind questions of reality. I discovered there is nothing in the world more real than a caring, merciful heart. I found that in my mother, who has spent hours talking me through my problems and finally convincing me that the birth control wasn't worth the price I was paying. That is real. Of course, parental love knows no limits. Even so, her gracious and loving spirit was a gift from Heaven when I most needed it; she has been there for me when no one else would or could be. I used to say, when I was young, that I sat in Heaven and picked her out to be my mom. There is absolute truth in that childhood statement.