"But Ruth replied 'Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go, I will go and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.'"
In some blessed relationships, fidelity isn't an issue that even enters a conversation. In the case of my parents, and for many of my friends, I know that they have relationships where the temptation of unfaithfulness doesn't enter their home. And for my own part, I'm lucky enough to be one of those people who -- when I'm in a relationship with someone -- sees no appeal in any other member of the opposite sex.
Yet I've learned over the years that I am one of the lucky ones. Many single men and women of faith don't have it that easy, even in the context of a serious and responsible dating relationship. In the modern office of expansive social atmospheres and younger workforces, the likelihood is extremely high that you will eventually work with or deal with someone on a regular basis who you find appealing. You may even end up spending more time with that person, due to the demands of work, than you do with your girlfriend or boyfriend or fiancee -- the person you love and intend to marry.
This can lead to bad situations. Oftentimes, the person on the outside doesn't know about this growing office relationship, and for many single people, it's easy to give in to the temptation to cross the line into flirtation and more. The excuses: It's just talking at work, it's just drinks afterward, it's just fun, after all.
Except that it isn't a game; it's playing with wildfire. Before long, you may find yourself in a situation where, without ever making a conscious decision, you've slipped into infidelity. You've been unfaithful to the person you are dating or courting, in thought or in deed. In selfishness, intentional or not, you've hurt and possibly destroyed a loving relationship.
I've been on the other side of this kind of relationship, and felt the painful ramifications more than once. I've never been shellshocked, but the overwhelming hurt, nausea, and directionless feelings must come close.
When secular advisors talk about relationships, everything comes down to "feelings." How does the person make you feel? Do you feel happy? Does flirting or carrying on with someone else make you feel happier? You should be honest about your feelings.
There's an element of truth to that -- honesty is a good thing -- but it misses the big picture. Love isn't just about moment-by-moment feelings. If it was, our human love would be as fickle as a middle school crush.
Ruth's pledge of fidelity to Naomi, often used by brides and grooms in pledging fidelity to one another during wedding ceremonies, is one of consequence. Did Ruth really intend to love her husband every moment of every day, without ever being unhappy with him? Of course not -- she committed herself to loving him, and being faithful to him, even when he forgot to take out the trash or hogged the remote, even when the Senior VP started asking her out to long lunches at nice restaurants. She committed to love with the entirety of herself -- promising that not just her heart, but her mind, her lips, and her very being would remain faithful.
True faithfulness endures in spite of temptation. True faithfulness exercises self-control, to the point of avoiding an area of danger as a recovering alcoholic avoids a bar. True faithfulness, in the context of Christ and the Church, is loving and sacrificial -- even to the point of death.
Be careful how you act toward members of the opposite sex. Don't let yourself fall into temptation. And if you do, be honest about it -- repent, ask forgiveness, and flee from sin. And if you are on the other side of this: don't let yourself become bitter. Christ loved the Church even when there was nothing intrinsic about the Church to inspire such boundless love, and we are called to do no less.
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1 comment:
A few years ago shortly after I got married I found myself in a friendship with a very lovely lady at work. The friendship continues to this day, but the nature of our friendship has had to be changed. I realized that even though there was no physical relationship, I was emotionally to close to this lady. It wasn’t fare to my wife.
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